the boring leading the bored

Monday, December 08, 2003
a real entry?

"you should keep writing," he said. "it's your outlet. it will help you. if you have questions, write about it. if you're upset, write about it."

so this thing is a new good friend. except its not new.

today did not feel like others. i felt better. it was good to talk last night. it is a weight off of me now but feeling too light is about half as scary as feeling too weighed down. i have a compulsion to worry, and when im not worrying i dont feel right. i feel irresponsible. but then i always feel a need to embrace that irresponsibility... i dont understand myself!!! and that's one of my big problems i guess.

of course i have a scapegoat. i always do, that's one thing i do know about myself. so inside myself i lash out and cast blame... what an angry girl i can be...

why do i have to hide?
do i have to hide?
i don't understand.

music: the cure


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