the boring leading the bored
Friday, April 30, 2004
brawrr
this weekend is going to be kind of a fat sucking whore of a weekend. i have so much stuff to do, and only about a fourth of it is any fun.
at least i had a kissing dream last night. that was good. of course, it was kinda strange and funny to see the person today. heehee.
muSUCK: stacy's mom.
thanks shan. you whore.
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
i leave you with photographs//pictures of trickery
last night my entire family was off watching tv. so i just sat against the wall on my bed, wearing my white dress that i've been sleeping in, and stared into the blackness as i listened to disintegration by the cure, played really loud. i just stared and stared... i eventually got to the point where i nearly stopped blinking. my mind just kind of wandered. i started out thinking, thinking about the things that are always on my mind, but as the music just went on and my eyes stopped focusing the words stopped and i thought in pictures. very gothic things, what do you want with disintegration... eyes and birds, things swirling around, trees and skies and silhouetted people... it was wonderful. i just spaced out for an entire half hour. later my dad came in and turned on the light and i was totally blinded... but while it lasted it was great. i guess this is why ive felt disconnected recently... im just keeping to myself in a lot of ways. i like being alone, really... not all the time, but much of it.
about my last post... sorry you had to see that. it was ugly, and it made no sense to everyone except me, the person it was directed at, and maybe someone else... or something... but yeah. it was ugly. i was just so angry, i couldnt help it. sometimes the anger wins. maybe it was in bad taste... i just get tired of holding it in all the time. its going to be a messed-up summer. hopefully i can manage to have a good one anyway. and find a job.
music: kill hannah
ps. a cute boy wore a the smiths shirt today and it made me happy.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
ive about had it.
you are definitely the biggest jerk in the world to say something like that, to do that to my best friend. you can't just do that to people. maybe it was a self-protection thing so you dont go crazy, but one of the things i used to admire about you was how you put others' well-being before yours. maybe i was kidding myself about that. disown me, fine. we are through, that is clear. but i cannot believe you would disown a friend and a little sister. i can't even respect you anymore.
music: the clash, magnificent seven
Saturday, April 17, 2004
staples
somebody somewhere has a stapler
and she's stapling all of us together
and we just cant seem to rip ourselves apart.
somebody ought to stop this.
music: elton john- this song has no title
Thursday, April 15, 2004
::cry::
i still cant go to david bowie (im not mad at you andrea, i swearrrr!)
i dont have rojo's email so i cant email him like he asked me
the sun is starting to set
and i just downloaded a virus which my computer is unable to eradicate. why does everyone else not get horrible viruses when they download everything and its dog from kazaa and i download a whole like, seven things EVER and get viruses?!?!?
i am nearly in tears. i dont know what to do. ok yes i do... go through a crapload of painful steps to try and delete it and probably not have any luck. AWESOME.
i feel alone.
music: elton john-funeral for a friend
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
low
i am depressed beyond speech. so i must type.
the david bowie concert is, for all effects and purposes, sold out.
we could have been heroes forever and ever!
but who'll love aladdin sane now?
i could even afford a ticket... back from sufragette city...
we could have spent the night (evening, rather) together. i needed david bowie more than ever.
i am SO a victim. i just scream with... anguish....
id do anything to go... if you say run, id run with you. and if you say hide, we'll hide. because my love for david bowie would break my heart in two...
ground control to major lauren, your circuit's dead, theres something wrong
this calls for rock and roll suicide.
music: elliot smith (tricked you.)
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Welcome to strrynight.blogspot.com
not to be confused with strrynight.blogpsot.com: Aaron's Bible.
weird.
music: sally simpson
Monday, April 12, 2004
OPERATION: I NEED A CODENAME!
so yes. im conducting an operation. why? because it was about time. please do not try to argue with me or say nice things, but i am getting fat! REALLY! I AM! especially after the EASTER BINGE!(two huge meals, an unbelievable amount of candy and other junk food). but yeah...my self-confidence is low because of it, and i need to take action. again: dont argue with me. i am not gonna get all bulimic or anorexic or atkinsic. i am just going to try and have some self-control and make an effort to: 1) eat healthier and 2)exercise more often (at all). i know this is boring as hell to read about but recording it will help strengthen my resolve... right? so what im gonna do is...
1) eat less crap. i am a complete sugar junkie and i think thats a lot of my problem. im officially DRAMATICALLY reducing my candy/other sugary treats intake. DRAMATICALLY. as in my-easter-candy-will-get-stale-before-i-can-finish-it dramatically. it hurts me on the inside to do this, but i have to.
2) eat less. i eat when i am bored and this causes me to eat way more than i need to. added to this the fact that what i eat is always bad, this is an issue. so it will stop. the secret to this, ive learned, is to keep busy. and take naps.
3)exercise four times a week at least. i just pulled that number out of my butt. but yeah, i went running today and it was a good thing to do. i really havent been moving at all in the past few months, so i need to do that. exercise is good for you! in so many ways! yay!
and i suppose thats it. who knows, maybe this will actually work and i will get skinnier... maybe my tummy will start to go away! maybe i will be teh hotness! maybe not. i fear i lack the resolve and that i am not taking desperate enough measures. maybe i will add skim milk to my plan (cause it will make SO much difference...). man i would love for this to work. it would be great to be all skinny and cute. cause honestly, i feel soooo ugly recently. like, its getting bad... but hopefully this will make me feel better about myself, if nothing else. being healthier is supposed to make you feel better, right?
the first day of this plan went well. too well, i think... i forgot to eat breakfast, so i grabbed an oatmeal bar, which i neglected to eat. and then at lunch i was doing math so i never got around to eating. meaning i had only one meal today... which was rather small... and a bowl of cereal. i think tomorrow i will be hungry. that will be tricky. i am going to have to start packing lunch again... i need to go to the grocery store or trader joes and get fun healthy food... whole wheat bread... im in the mood for starfruit for some reason. and i need smoothiemaking stuff too...
this could get complicated.
so does anyone want to give my operation a name?
music: tommy!!! my uncle who is AWESOME bought me the who album just because. its soooo freaking sweet. i like it better than the play version because its less happy... really. and its brilliant. reading all about the who in the seventies made me super jealous i wasnt there. apparently their tommy concerts were mindblowing. and roger daltrey was supposedly a total sex god as tommy (in concert, not the movie)... why?!!? WHY AM I IN THIS GENERATION?!??!
Saturday, April 10, 2004
a picture's worth $40, matted and framed
i could talk about my day, or how i feel. but i think i can sum it up with this. i ask you to please consider it seriously. maybe you will see it like i saw it. perhaps you will then understand.
music: the cure
i need more the cure albums.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
reason to die #1212343424
my new retainer makes me talk like homestar runner with a lisp. rock.
oh well.
music: bengate
haha, just kidding. gotcha! im really just itching to be sitting on my ever-expanding butt doing NOTHING. not getting that sewing crap done.
i had a happy time of being home alone for a while today, so i made some french toast. it was underdone. but the outside kept getting burnt! i didnt know what to do! i couldnt help it! from now on i will only make french toast on the griddle, never again in the frying pan of doom/salmonella. i hope i dont get sick...
highlight of tech: putting lights into the skyline (chili cheese fries?)
lowlight of tech: bleeding on the inside because my fingers got crushed under the pit cover.
maybe i will have a neat scar.
i love scars. luciana in catch-22 has a scar that runs all the way down her back. i want one. sounds sexy. but then i think about it more and im like, sounds kind of disfiguring. i always just picture myself at a school dance or something with a huge scar visible above my dress... and it sounds like it sucks. i still like scars, though. i like the one on my knee cause people are always afraid to ask about it. i remember the night after i got the initial injury i cried for hours because i was going to have an ugly scar, but now i am rather fond of it. it is like an old friend. i have lots of scars on my hands. i wish i still had scars from arrow cuts from gym class archery... i liked those ones. i have lots of scars from tech-related injuries. i have a really thin scar on my left arm that i really like. and a chicken pox scar on my right wrist. i have another really thin one across my left leg, and several nasty patchy ones on my left knee. i dont mind them though.
im not as horribly disfigured as i sound, i swear... you'd have to look pretty hard to find most of these...
so yeah. scars.
time to vomit raw egg... later.
music: techno
Monday, April 05, 2004
i thought i knew you//what did i know?
you were above me
but not today
the only difference is you're down there
im looking through you
and you're nowhere
-the beatlesxoxoxo
lauren, what should you be doing right now?
uh... sewing?
yes.
aw shoot.
yeah, i should be sewing... i promised myself i would do a lot of sewing this week to fix up some of my vintage stuff... but actually what i have to sew tonight is my dickies skirt... it was too small so i cut off the waistband and now i have to dart it in so i can wear it with my XMATH TEAMX shirt tomorrow... even though i dont think i can GO to math team because i am so behind in photo and tomorrow is my only day to make it up... boohoo... im sorry math team, i didnt mean to let you down...
yeah, the skirt vigil is still on, even though i DID wear pants friday... and saturday... and to scene shop... but still. skirts are the wave of the future. accept it. love it.
well... im out.
ps. andrea, welcome back. and thanks for finding my pencil case.
music: a cycle of maps by the yeah yeah yeahs and im looking through you by the wallflowers for a solid hour, and i dont know why.
Saturday, April 03, 2004
i have a paper in my pocket
telling me that the new modest mouse album comes out in three days.
and i really dont have the money to buy it, unless i want to drain my financial resources for the month.
my life is so horrible.
and my hands are achy...?
music: total control by the clash is stuck in my head.
watched it tonight. forgot most of the odyssey, so i didnt know what was going on. it sucked hardcore. it was still good though.
dialogue between me and my mom:
"this commercial makes me want to shoot myself in the face."
"in the face?"
"yeah. where else would i shoot myself?"
"in the head?"
"eh. face is better."
"seems like shooting yourself in the face would make a mess."
it was all ironical and stuff... which makes it great cause my mom was just barely satirizing herself... to me anyway. she has this thing about messes. i like it when my mom and i can just have funny conversations and stuff. she's so quiet. im my dad's daughter. mostly.
spent a lot of time with dad today visiting kent state.
1-kent state: cool school. rather impressive fashion program. if im doing fashion, im going there. i wasnt super overwhelmed by the size either, which was cool cause i was really apprehensive about it. and i made a new friend. her name is kristin and she's half-asian and she goes to olentangy. she was a cool kid. it would be neat to go to kent together and be roommates whee.
2-spending time with my dad: that was cool. we talked about a lot of stuff, which was cool, but kind of not cool at times too. i think he's half-forcing me to see the passion tomorrow. i think i may go along with it. not sure. im terrified. i told him i'd only go if we didnt sit together and he didnt try to talk to me about it... sure its bratty, but i despise crying in front of people, especially family, and that's the only way i think its going to work out. argh.
my face hurts. seriously. and im wearing a lot of makeup. cheers, mum. ::blows face off::
music: ben folds five, cigarette
Thursday, April 01, 2004
and if a double decker bus kills the both of us
sometimes when i get all introspective, i feel like i am going to explode. just a little explosion... i am not a very big person.
anyway.
skirts. i've been wearing skirts all week... and i don't intend to stop. why skirts? why all week? why not stopping? cause skirts are pretty. ive been into pretty recently, so i decided to wear a skirt on saturday. and it felt so good, i wondered why i didnt wear them more often... and decided to continue. they make me feel good. people notice them and like them. plus i recently came into a small fortune:
my great great aunt kathryn passed away a few years ago. she was survived by her husband, john. my grandparents recently decided to move my great great uncle john into a nursing home... he is very old. so my grandma and grandpa have been cleaning out their house, and my grandma came upon a bunch of REALLY old clothes, and she gave them to me! i was ecstatic... it was like my own personal captain betty's. turns out most of the clothes were from around the 20s... weirdly enough, much of it is underwear. not like, underwear underwear. slips. and a few girdles... those are weird. but yeah. slips and dresses. and they are gorgeous, even though some of them are kind of discolored or shredded up a little. they are so old and neat and i love them all.
wearing skirts and making cute outfits has made me realize that fashion... creative fashion... is one of my few true passions in life. so it's my major of the moment (tm). it makes it weird, cause there are really only 3 schools in ohio that have it: kent state, uc and ccad. most of the fashion design schools are in new york. i cant decide whether or not i want to go to new york. in the meantime, i am skipping school tomorrow to go to kent state. they have a fashion museum--yum.
the future should plan ME.
music: sad things.
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