the boring leading the bored

Wednesday, April 28, 2004
i leave you with photographs//pictures of trickery

last night my entire family was off watching tv. so i just sat against the wall on my bed, wearing my white dress that i've been sleeping in, and stared into the blackness as i listened to disintegration by the cure, played really loud. i just stared and stared... i eventually got to the point where i nearly stopped blinking. my mind just kind of wandered. i started out thinking, thinking about the things that are always on my mind, but as the music just went on and my eyes stopped focusing the words stopped and i thought in pictures. very gothic things, what do you want with disintegration... eyes and birds, things swirling around, trees and skies and silhouetted people... it was wonderful. i just spaced out for an entire half hour. later my dad came in and turned on the light and i was totally blinded... but while it lasted it was great. i guess this is why ive felt disconnected recently... im just keeping to myself in a lot of ways. i like being alone, really... not all the time, but much of it.

about my last post... sorry you had to see that. it was ugly, and it made no sense to everyone except me, the person it was directed at, and maybe someone else... or something... but yeah. it was ugly. i was just so angry, i couldnt help it. sometimes the anger wins. maybe it was in bad taste... i just get tired of holding it in all the time. its going to be a messed-up summer. hopefully i can manage to have a good one anyway. and find a job.

music: kill hannah

ps. a cute boy wore a the smiths shirt today and it made me happy.


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