the boring leading the bored
Sunday, December 26, 2004
a letter in your writing
ive been experiencing these small revolutions of the mind. i keep getting these little explosions of creativity and energy. i am hounded by thoughts... THOUGHTS. this is unusual. most times i am just about as vacant as that stare that's frequently on my face. i am a possessor of a simple mind: consider me shrived. but i just keep having ideas.
i've been snowed in. so i keep thinking of ways to keep busy. i probably thought of the idea for your christmas gift this way. but these creative impulses, followed by a steady compulsion to carry them out (i am out of town, no knife, no ink, no spraypaint), are just an example of the THINGS that are happening in my brain. ive been getting ideas.
i think the first idea was about bags. i decided that, from now on when i shopped, i didnt want to let them give me my stuff in a plastic bag anymore. both blake and my family referred to this notion as "liberal." I told blake it wasn't liberal, it was just "another good thing." "like smoking?" he asked. inside joke. "no," i replied. we walked out of starbucks.
that wasn't the first idea. the first was about buying foreign-made products. and shopping at wal-mart. i decided i wanted to try to buy american. not only to not support sweat shops, but also to support american companies in order to preserve american jobs. im attempting in particular to avoid products that would be hand-made.
oh, and hybrid cars.
there are reasons for most of these things. i wont bore you. ("too late" "haha" ::raise a toast to self-deprecation::)
i am off-track.
what i was getting at is this overall compulsion to do something. something. not just anything, but not anything in particular. i want to make the world better or prettier. i want to create. i want to love. i dont want to waste time. (i quit tv.) i want to make a difference. i suppose it's rather bohemian. and the fact that i can find a term to qualify it is my problem. or curse. choose based on your pessimism. see, you probably aren't even reading this. i dont blame you, i wouldnt read it. if you write, i probably dont read it half the time. i am off-track.
here's the thing: this is stupid. or so you think, so i think, so the world thinks. wanting to make a difference is cute, but unprofitable. you can't get a degree in "mental bursts of creativity and philathropy". it's unrealistic. it's idealistic. and idealism is it's own condemnor. as a cynic myself, i will undoubtedly look on this, probably tomorrow, and dismiss my idiocy. but when in the moment, things improbable are far from impossible. but can the moment last? is it REALLY a waste of time to pursue... anything? yes.
i get shy. i dont like talking. things i say are stupid.
ask blake, he'll tell you. i talk to him on occasion, then realize how ridiculous i sound and stop. he insists i dont stop, which is nice. he's a part of this, really. perhaps a sizable part. i find myself in a very nurturing frame of life. my family is letting me destablize their house with my projects. my teachers are helping me along with my art. and blake is someone to talk to. someone to listen to me about my ideas for art and for life. someone to go places with, someone to learn things from, someone to be close to. thinking about him makes me want to create.
i dont like to gush. i don't like talking.
i lost seven pounds recently. today was christmas, and i probably gained a few of those back, but regardless. seven pounds. and a couple inches of waistline.
i don't like writing. i feel like i'm wasting space.
but is there such thing as a waste?
music: the pixies.
ps. happy boxing day.
Live wires:
REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!REALITY KICK!
I KNOW IT HURTS, BUT YOU WILL HEAL SOON...
(with increased strength [mind.body])
i want(((YOU)))
to know.
create. love. repeat!
I KNOW IT HURTS, BUT YOU WILL HEAL SOON...
(with increased strength [mind.body])
i want(((YOU)))
to know.
create. love. repeat!
posted by 
: January 2, 2005 at 3:10 PM
: January 2, 2005 at 3:10 PM
ask yourself this question [to anyone that seeks the truth] , and apply it to everything in your life :
"why do i do, what i do?"
influences.
good or bad,
they help you and i make decisions.
so, just make the right choices..think twice about what you (want) to do..everyone has eyes..they see what you are doing. {and they are influenced, good or bad...}
(^_~)you may now remove your bandages...
"why do i do, what i do?"
influences.
good or bad,
they help you and i make decisions.
so, just make the right choices..think twice about what you (want) to do..everyone has eyes..they see what you are doing. {and they are influenced, good or bad...}
(^_~)you may now remove your bandages...
posted by : January 3, 2005 at 7:01 PM
: January 3, 2005 at 7:01 PM
CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES
im just trying to recruit people to help save this planet...if that is even possible *sigh*
move out of the shallow water and GO DEEPER...
you need to see what is really going on here
p.s. those reality kicks i gave out were probably not neccessary, they dont come with an explaination.
in this post,i mean,YOUR post,i saw lots of things that proved that you were getting close to a state of mind that is where you should be (?), and that is good. the "reality kicks" were just to help open your eyes a little bit more, and make you ask "why!?!"
well damn. if you are, and i start explaining things, you may not admit to awhole lot, or even change from it at all, and the whole scheme may backfire, taking you where you shouldnt be. youve been on a good track for a long time, but im just offering you a short cut to the place you want to be,where you should be,i think(?)... well, let me just tell you what i liked about this,er, YOUR post..ill just cut and paste ^_^
revolutions of the mind.explosions of creativity .i want to make the world better or prettier. i want to create. i want to love.i dont want to waste time. (i quit tv.) i want to make a difference.
these are all good things. if this was just your post i wouldnt say shit about anything, seeing that you HAVE THINGS TO BE DOING, BESIDES WASTING TIME ON A BLOG SITE, THAT DOESNT SHOW PRODUCTIVITY, JUST PROCRASTINATION. THERE..i said it..man that took awhile. just think about what youve been doing, i quit this game with computers myself..i only get on when neccessary, and when IM TRYING TO TELL OTHERS THEY COULD BE DOING BETTER THINGS. SO when you say
"i feel like i'm wasting space", do you now think you are wasting TIME?
to me, the life,the game you play on a computer is pure procrastination,its not REAL and just a way to interact with people for social acceptance..."we walked out of starbucks."
i hope you get this message.and even more, i hope you understand.
just trying to make a difference where the people do not know who they are anymore.
im out..i need a drink.
thank you for your time, Lauren.
CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES...
im just trying to recruit people to help save this planet...if that is even possible *sigh*
move out of the shallow water and GO DEEPER...
you need to see what is really going on here
p.s. those reality kicks i gave out were probably not neccessary, they dont come with an explaination.
in this post,i mean,YOUR post,i saw lots of things that proved that you were getting close to a state of mind that is where you should be (?), and that is good. the "reality kicks" were just to help open your eyes a little bit more, and make you ask "why!?!"
well damn. if you are, and i start explaining things, you may not admit to awhole lot, or even change from it at all, and the whole scheme may backfire, taking you where you shouldnt be. youve been on a good track for a long time, but im just offering you a short cut to the place you want to be,where you should be,i think(?)... well, let me just tell you what i liked about this,er, YOUR post..ill just cut and paste ^_^
revolutions of the mind.explosions of creativity .i want to make the world better or prettier. i want to create. i want to love.i dont want to waste time. (i quit tv.) i want to make a difference.
these are all good things. if this was just your post i wouldnt say shit about anything, seeing that you HAVE THINGS TO BE DOING, BESIDES WASTING TIME ON A BLOG SITE, THAT DOESNT SHOW PRODUCTIVITY, JUST PROCRASTINATION. THERE..i said it..man that took awhile. just think about what youve been doing, i quit this game with computers myself..i only get on when neccessary, and when IM TRYING TO TELL OTHERS THEY COULD BE DOING BETTER THINGS. SO when you say
"i feel like i'm wasting space", do you now think you are wasting TIME?
to me, the life,the game you play on a computer is pure procrastination,its not REAL and just a way to interact with people for social acceptance..."we walked out of starbucks."
i hope you get this message.and even more, i hope you understand.
just trying to make a difference where the people do not know who they are anymore.
im out..i need a drink.
thank you for your time, Lauren.
CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES...
posted by : January 8, 2005 at 11:59 AM
: January 8, 2005 at 11:59 AM
the last thing in the world that i want is a bloody flamewar, but i must admit that i am slightly irritated. not by what you said really, but by your anonymity. i mean, some of the stuff you said was pretty... we'll call it "forward." and i dont mind some good, solid honesty, "like-it-or-not" from a friend who i know loves me deep down inside, but it's hard to take from some voice that might as well be a newspaper column except with more asian smiley faces. i mean, you dont have to come out and tell me who you are on here. im me or something. bloody email me. whatever. its just kind of bothersome. maybe leave a post with some really obvious clue. i mean, maybe the bowie lyrics were supposed to be that but that doesn't exactly help me, as the people i can think of offhand who would know bowie and know i was into bowie wouldnt write like you do. shrug. im tired and overcaffeinated, but i maintain: help a sister out by helping her allow you to try to help her out.
.L
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.L
posted by : January 9, 2005 at 12:51 AM
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