the boring leading the bored
Monday, August 01, 2005
fresh!a friend of my boyfriend occasionally does this thing he calls a "jazz cleansing." it's a rather clever solution to a problem that many people have (including myself)--you start getting bored of your music. even if you buy/download new music, the old stuff just doesnt do it for you anymore, and it is your music that you used to like. it's a pity. so josh does a jazz cleansing. he listens to nothing but jazz for a couple weeks, and, according to him, coming back to his old music makes it feel all new again. sounds like a good solution, except if you dont have enough jazz or dont feel like listening to jazz. so instead, i've thought of some alternatives to the jazz cleansing, using familiar household products you probably already have.
1. mars volta cleansing- listen to nothing but frances the mute until ANYTHING sounds like a bloody masterpiece in comparison.
2. pitchfork cleansing- dont listen to any music, but read the entire contents of pitchfork every day. listening to intoxicated reviewers jerk off to the newest, hippest scenester band will renew your lust for your good old classics, from the days when reviewers were men. or women. anything but bloggers with a six-pack of pabst blue ribbon and an equal liquid measure of pretentiousness. (oh, hypocrisy!)
3. post-rock cleansing- hell, this one might actually work. bust out your godspeed, mogwai and explosions in the sky and rekindle your yearning to hear vocals. (ps. dear everyone, please stop hating on post-rock! it's a beautiful experimental art form which allows for a listener to both experience and apply emotion. be a little open-minded.)
4. "the sirens" cleansing- listen to nothing but the song "the sirens" by rachel's. music that DOESNT give you an f'ing heart attack is going to sound real appealing.
5. ethnic cleansing- ethnic cleansing isn't funny.
6. ska cleansing- NOT WORTH IT.
7. wnci cleansing- (or mainstream-pop-radio-station-of-your-choice cleansing) This one also borders on "not worth it," but you will find yourself KISSING your iPod because it doesn't play the same car commercial over and over. or the same kelly clarkson song over and over. you'll be glad to be back, even if to just list to q and not u's "wonderful people" over and over. (note: this could be dangerous, as pop music is known to contain highly addictive chemicals that cause you to get those damn songs stuck in your head until it actually gets hard to wait an hour and a half to hear "hollaback girl" again.)
8. beethoven cleansing- actually has potential of working for the same reason the jazz cleansing works. i personally prefer mozart.
9. "abstinence" cleansing- don't listen to music. shop, though. go to used stores and try and find stuff you're going to want to listen to in future--vinyl is especially/fun/cheap/those are synonomous anyway. when you feel the time is right/on your wedding night, bust out all your new fun stuff. and when you exhaust it, return to your old collection. think of your new collection as your kids from your new marriage and your old collection as your illigitimate children. then get your bloody tubes tied--that's a lot of mouths to feed already. this metaphor has gone way too far.
10. folk cleansing- this must include new and old folk. listen to folk all the time. you will return to electric guitars/synthesizers as symbols of electricity after your foray into the backwoods of music, where there is no indoor plumbing.
thx.
music: why would i want to do a cleansing if i dont even enjoy bathing? honestly!
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